Gasp! Why did I make this movie?

YES. THERE ARE SPOILERS, BUT LET’S BE HONEST, THERE ISN’T MUCH TO SPOIL.

There have been many an evening where I have willingly gone to a movie I knew would be terrible, solely for the fact that there was a werewolf in it. “Red Riding Hood” was one of those. However, here’s the difference between “Red Riding Hood” and some of the other films: the other ones were at least laugh worthy.

The plot, such as it was, came down to a small village being terrorized monthly by a werewolf. Head strong girl is betrothed to the dude she doesn’t like because she’s in love with the village bad boy. Wolf attacks start getting worse and a werewolf hunting expert is called in to handle the problem. Blah, blah, blah. Teen angst. Predictability.

There was nothing I took away from “Red Riding Hood” except that it was an obvious, opportunistic jab at cashing in on the “Twilight” crowd. It’s sloppy, the acting is bad, the script is bad, the effects are “meh” and the set design earned a “WTF”. (Seriously, there were giant spikes/thorns growing out of the trees in the forest.)

I’m not really sure what era we were supposed to be in. Edward the male lead had either prematurely invented hair gel, or he had worked up such a level of funk in his hair as to mimic the effect. Whatever it was, it must have impressed Valerie (she’s the “Red” of this story), because his plank-of-wood personality certainly wasn’t the cause.

The part I was most excited for was the inclusion of Gary Oldman, but he was wasted on this film. From the level of his performance, he knew it too. His character suffered from a sever case of cliche-itis.

The real hook of this movie is that you’re not supposed to know who the werewolf is. The issue is that to try and throw you off the trail, the movie slaps you in the face repeatedly with red herrings. Is it the douchey love interest? The other douchey love interest? Grandma? The mentally retarded kid? (I’m not making this up.) It quickly because obvious that it was none of these, and when the werewolf started communicating telepathically to Valerie (still not making this up), all I could think is that it must be someone related to her. Damned if I wasn’t right as it turned out to be good ol’ dad. The ONE main character they drew the least attention to.

So, what about the actual wolf? Nothing special. Essentially a lankier version of the wolves in the Twilight series. Big. Freaking. Shock. Of course, lest we forget, the director also directed the first installment of the Twilight Saga.

My advice is to pass on “Red Riding Hood” at all costs, unless you’re really wasted…no, wait…still pass on it.

This movies earns 1 out of 5 Red Herrings.

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