Make friends with Mr. Period.

I know that I have a tendency to grouse about any number of things on a regular basis. While I do have a tendency towards hyperbole, there is one thing that really does bother me as much as I say it does: proper grammar and spelling. This is especially true of e-mails I receive during my work day.

At times I wonder if people have forgotten that correct spelling and grammar are more than just a formality, and that sentence structure and paragraphs exist for a reason. These things are tools meant to help you convey something to the receiver, and have it be understood correctly. As we are all aware, reading can be a very subjective process. It is easy to misinterpret information and tone without any other sort of context. The better job you can do at making your statements clear, the better chance it will have of being deciphered accurately.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not asking that everyone be exemplary spellers with a wide vocabulary, or use loads of punctuation. I’m also not saying that making a mistake is unacceptable. All I’m saying is that even an elementary school knowledge should have been able to set people up with the ability to construct basic, simple and concise sentences. Sometimes I get e-mails that make me feel like I should print them up, mark corrections in red pen and then send them back with a grade. Many people wouldn’t pass.

With regard to spelling, almost every program you can type in these days is equipped with a spellchecker. Even web browsers now carry this technology, so yes, you too can correctly spell words in your Facebook updates. However, this technology is a tool, not a substitute for thinking. A spellchecker is not going to be able to discern if you know the difference between there, their and they’re. Nor will it help you with your, you’re, were, we’re, accept, except, should have, should of, should’ve, etc. These words are not interchangeable, and using the incorrect one can completely change the meaning of a statement. For example, I was at the mall some years ago and there was a promotional car parked on the walkway. Someone thought it would be funny to write on the paper license plate. Unless they had a very odd sense of humour, what they wrote was incorrect. Instead of writing “you’re gay” they wrote “your gay”. As in, “here, take this gay. It was my gay, but now it’s your gay.”

Of course, there are times where proper spelling and grammar are difficult to carry out. I don’t fault people on World of Warcraft (well, sometimes I do) for typing in short hand so that they can get back to killing things. I suppose I can also handle the odd text message containing things meant to replace actual words like “2″, “U” and “R”, even though they make me die a little inside. I also don’t fault people who are not native English speakers. I DO fault those who are writing professional e-mails, but can’t be bothered to capitalize the first letters of sentences or use any sort of logical punctuation. I know they are capable of typing in caps because they will emphasize something completely unnecessary by TYPING IT LIKE THIS.

I know I’m not perfect. I know no one is perfect. The thing is, there is a difference between making an error and not even trying. I also know I’m not the only one irritated by the disinterest people have in their writing, so I leave you with a link to the Punctuation Pals from Penny-Arcade. You’re welcome.

Dear Moviegoers,

Could you kindly explain exactly what in the hell is wrong with most of you? Do you feel that the movie theatre is somehow an extension of your own private living room? Do you feel that the $11 or $12 you paid for admission grants you special privileges?

I, for one, did not pay my money at the door to come watch the movie with your running feature commentary. Is it really that difficult to quiet yourself for the couple hours of film running time? Perhaps you need some sort of medication to help control what appears to be a mild case of tourretes that is triggered by moving pictures on a screen.

While I appreciate that you want to make sure that we all heard what the characters said, I can assure you my hearing is fine and that I understood the dialogue the first time. It really isn’t necessary that you parrot it back at the screen. I also do not need clarification on what just happened as I was there and watching the film with you and have a comprehension level that ranks somewhere above that of a three year old.

To the parents who have decided to attend the theatre, I applaud your devotion to bringing young minds to witness the art form that is the feature film. However, I’m not sure that your five year old truly needs to have the nightmares and possible years of therapy that come from watching a gore-filled horror movie which was clearly created with more mature viewers in mind. I also don’t feel that your child’s interactive screaming does much for my immersion in the film.

I know how busy our lives can be, and how dependent we have become on technology to give us important updates and keep our communications running strong. Far be it from me to deny you what must certainly have been a very important phone call or Twitter update, but I would be ever so grateful if you could take it outside. Ringtones very rarely fit with the theatrical score of the film, and the dramatic lighting of your face by the screen of your phone would be better suited for telling a campfire tale.

Please understand how grateful I am that you wish to ensure that I stay awake through the entire movie, but is it truly necessary to kick the back of my seat to make sure I’m still conscious? I also don’t believe that I am in any need of posture correction even though you try so hard to push my seat forward with not one, but both of your feet.

In conclusion, I would like to thank each and every one of you for your efforts in making my movie going experience more and more annoying. With any luck I will one day be finally driven to the edge and the blood bath that will follow will earn me the 15 minutes of fame that I so desperately crave. I hope you will be there on that day to witness the glory shortly before I rend your head from your shoulders and drop it in your tub of popcorn.

All My Love,

-Macabri

Give the guy a break will ya?

BEYOND THIS POINT ARE SPOILERS…TURN BACK IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FILM OR CARE ABOUT CHARACTER AND PLOT POINTS BEING REVEALED…

After reading a few of the reviews for The Wolfman, I felt compelled to follow a small follow-up to them and to my previous review.

Again let me state that while I enjoyed The Wolfman, I am aware that it’s not a perfect movie. I saw the film twice over the weekend and had a fun time of it despite its flaws. I am also not about to fault reviewers for disliking the movie simply because I liked it. However, every now and again I read something that makes me wonder if they really watched the film at all. Here are a few things I came across:

• One reviewer complained about Del Toro’s accent or lack thereof. He wondered why he didn’t sound English.

Those of you who were paying attention would remember that Lawrence mentions being sent away to live with his aunt in America at a very young age. It wouldn’t be out of line to suppose he had some schooling while there. He’d also spent the majority of his life there, so it would be no big wonder if his hometown accent had faded in favour of something a bit more American-ized.

• Another review said that Hopkins phoned-in his role and put almost no emotion into it.

Again, in the movie this is mentioned. Sir John Talbot tells Lawrence to look into his eyes and says quite bluntly that “as you can see I’m quite dead”. The character is dead emotionally and that’s how Hopkins played it.

A few other miscellaneous complaints included:

• It wasn’t scary.

I expected this sentiment long before the film came out. Modern horror movies have upped the ante on body counts and gore for years now, and audiences on the whole have been desensitized by it. They want to have scares without really having to think about it. I for one appreciate a movie that doesn’t go full-steam ahead towards the “more blood is better” attitude. I feel that the real scare behind the Wolfman isn’t the atrocities the creature commits, but what the man who becomes the creature goes through.

• It was all gore and no substance.

Maybe you should have a chat with the people who didn’t think there was enough gore and come to some sort of decision.

• The film didn’t go anywhere unexpected.

Okay, so who missed the part about this being a remake? Also, how many films these days really go somewhere unexpected. It’s not always about if it’s new, but how it’s told.

Seriously, if you didn’t like the movie, you didn’t like the movie. I get it. The wonderful thing is that you don’t have to. And the other wonderful thing is that I can go on ignoring you and keep having a good time at the movies.