Photo/Makeup by Spatola Designer Images

I like to scare people.

That statement is the main reason that I’ve tried my hand at being a scare actor. (For those unfamiliar, a scare actor generally works at a haunted attraction with the intent of terrifying the patrons.) I don’t know why I get such a kick out of it. Maybe I find a perverse and possibly sadistic thrill in scaring the piss out of another person. Maybe it’s some sensation of delight at being able to effectively entertain and disturb at the same time. Maybe it’s all of the above. Whatever it is, I like it.

At this time I have worked at three separate haunts. Two of them were only for a few nights as a volunteer, and one was as a paid employee at an autumn carnival. So far I’ve gotten to be an eyeless dolly, a bruised lobotomy patient, a demon, a deranged nurse, a vampire and the classic generic haunt monster. I’ve got my favourites out of that group (eyeless dolly and nurse) but they’ve all been fun roles to fill.

Many scare actors seem to have a type of character they play in general. Noisy and sarcastic, screamers, wild lunatics and so forth and so on. My forte is the silent, creepy type. I revel in being able to terrify people without having to say a single word. I’ll throw in a growl now and again or a gnashing of teeth, but a silent stare and a crazed walk are immensely effective on their own. I remember scaring one guest at a haunt so badly that they tried to run away from me. I gave chase and they tripped and landed face first. They started to get up, took one look at me looming over them and took off running again.

I also use my size to my advantage whenever possible. I’m fairly tall, but slender, so I can fit into places some other scare actors can’t. At one haunt there was a tunnel filled with fog for guests to go through, and generally the actors would bang on the outside walls and scream. I was just slim enough to slip inside with the victims guests and pretend to crawl sideways along the wall, appearing out of the mist. The space was so narrow that walking by me was unavoidable and I actually had to make sure people would leave the tunnel in the correct direction.

Scare acting also has a lot to do with timing. Sometimes you’re in a place where folks can see you from far away and visa versa. That can be easier sometimes since you can start to gauge who’s going to be the best target to torment. (Haunt monsters tend to pick out the weakest of the herd.) When you’re in hiding though, it’s a lot more difficult to time your scares. You have to listen to the group to try and figure out how large it is and try to aim for the middle. (The general rule of thumb is not to go after the first or last of a group. The middle is best for collateral damage.)

Unfortunately, working haunts isn’t all fun and games though. It’s hours of repetition. If you’re the type that screams and hollers at people you have to be careful to not lose your voice. There’s always the chance you could get maimed by a guest (especially if you’re like me and like to get in as close as possible). And, of course, there are the jackasses.

I can’t fathom why some people spend good money to go to haunts only to be rude to all the actors. Maybe they feel that they can get away with being nasty since they’ve paid to be there. Some of these people are nearly unbearable. They come in to heckle you, tell you your makeup is lousy, tell you that you aren’t scary, all the while you’re trying to keep in character and scare the other people coming through.

Sometimes the guests aren’t the problem at a haunt; sometimes it’s the other monsters. You get the ones that don’t take it seriously or roam into your area and ruin your scares. Effective scaring often results from teamwork, but not everyone wants to play nice. So many of the actors at the last haunt I worked were so horrible that I actually had to quit before scare acting lost all its appeal. The folks in charge had hired mainly highschool kids that could never bothered to follow the rules or simply didn’t care. The experience we were trying to create really suffered because of a few individuals. There’s plenty of room for fun and jokes, but you have to remember that you still have a show to put on.

Sadly, I didn’t have the opportunity to work at a haunt last year. The timing was bad, and I’d already worked and quit the biggest local haunt the year before. I’m hoping that this year I can pick up a few days somewhere as a volunteer. I almost feel like a junkie that’s going to need her fix.

Gentlemen, start your chainsaws.

The scary bride

On Saturday I visited the Halloween Haunt at Knott’s Scary Farm for about the fifth or sixth time in my life. I’ve made attending the Haunt a nearly annual trip. I love horror mazes and usually Knott’s goes pretty all out. I have to say though that I found this year mildly disappointing.

As it is every year, actually getting in to the park is a mess. The traffic gets backed up on the freeway at least a mile before the off ramp, and even once you get off you have to navigate to the Knott’s parking lot. Once you’ve parked, you have to get up to the main entrance which is a disorganized mess of people trying to find the correct line depending on if they preordered a ticket or are trying to purchase one the night of. The friend I went with and myself made our way to the side entrance and it wasn’t much better. The security posted towards the back of the mob urged everyone to squish forward into the vaguely distinguished lines to have security wand you and then search your belongings.

We finally got into the park and things were a little more smooth. I was reminded however, of the reason I try to avoid Saturday nights. Loads of people navigating through the dark and fog-machine haze being terrorized by scare actors makes things a little chaotic.

During the evening we managed to go through six mazes (two were connected) and see two shows. The mazes were generally decent, but not particularly amazing. The two definitely worth seeing are Terror of London, which is themed around Jack the Ripper (and apparently Frankenstein towards the end), and The Doll Factory which is just what it sounds like. We also went through Labyrinth, Cornstalkers, Lockdown, and Club Blood. I was sad that we didn’t make it to the 3D maze Dia De Los Muertos which looked very interesting.

As for the shows, the first we saw was Bloodlust. The show briefly explains that the world now knows of vampires and werewolves and everyone signed a treaty to not kill one another. The show then goes back and forth between a sort of standup act with Vinny the Vampire and Willy the Werewolf, and dancers in booty shorts. The standup parts of the show were particularly funny and were what I really enjoyed. As for the rest, the half naked men and booty-short sporting women singing and dancing to music were okay, but not my cup of tea.

After that we trekked over to the big stage for The Hanging. This is the show they put on every year and it’s a mashup of all the things in pop culture during the year beating the everloving hell out of each other. It makes more sense if you see it, but this year they made fun of: Harry Potter, Transformers, Star Trek, Kanye West, Twilight, Wolverine, GI Joe, Watchmen, Britain’s Got Talent, Bruno, G-Force, Octomom, John and Kate, Brittany Spears, Jack Sparrow, Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers, Lady Gaga, Terminator, Christian Bale, Disneyland, and more that I’m probably forgetting. Bottom line: it’s hilarious.

I think the only really big downside to the evening was being insulted by one of the scare performers who thought they were real funny and decided to be rude about my outfit. They informed me in an extremely nasty tone that I might “have trouble shopping” there since they “don’t have a Hot Topic”. Yeah, you’re a real laugh and a half. She was probably just pissed off because she was dressed up as a clown. (And for those wondering, no, I was not wearing an outfit from Hot Topic.) Honestly, it’s the first time I’ve ever had a problem before at the haunt with one of the actors. I hope it’s the last.

All in all it was a nice evening. At about $50 for seven hours of entertainment it’s a fairly decent deal.  Though I do think they could do with lowering the ticket prices just a little.  So if you’re planning on going, enjoy. (Unless you have any little children, in which case PLEASE don’t be a moron and take them with you!)

*UPDATE*: I’d written Knott’s about their scare actor that insulted me and they got back to me last night. They said that some performers have been instructed to “heckle” the guests. I completely understand and support that. (It is in character for a scary clown after all.) I just hope they also instruct them that there’s a very fine line between good natured taunting and being a prick.