Honestly, I hate when I have to restate the obvious, but here I go. I’m sure everyone remembers being told at some point in their life (likely as a child) to “not talk to strangers”. While I hope your judgment has improved with the years you’ve packed on, the core of that statement is still valid. Be safe. Be cautious of people you don’t know. Protect yourself.

No one is exempt from this, and yet some people will try to steer you away from it. Nowhere is sticking to your guns more important than to those in the modeling community. Amateur, aspiring or professional, you have the right to feel safe at your photoshoots, and part of that safety comes from checking references.

I was personally contacted by a photographer the other day who wanted to work with me. His portfolio was decent, and I was interested. However, before proceeding any further, I told him that I check references and asked if there were any models he recommend I reach out to. His response? He was his own reference.

This is a red flag. This is a red flag that is on fire. Stranger danger. Do not pass GO.

Anyone who is legit should have nothing to hide and should also be able to provide references or point you in the right direction. You don’t know them, and they don’t know you. The last thing you want to do is get yourself into a situation where you are made to feel uncomfortable or in risk of harm to your person.

I know it’s hard when you want to work with someone or you are building your portfolio. I get it, I really do. However, is it really worth the risk? Maybe you think I’m overreacting; seeing serial killers and rapists at every turn. Wouldn’t you rather be certain though? Maybe they won’t kill or rape you, but what about trying to push you to take photos you don’t want to do? What about accosting you? How about the simple worry that you’ll spend your time shooting only to never get copies of your photos back? A lesser worry to be sure, but this is why you always investigate someone you potentially want to work with.

“But what about you?” Some photographers may ask. “I’ve had bad experiences with models, too! Why am I under investigation?” Well, photographers, good news! My advice to models applies to you as well! Check the model’s references. Ask them questions, talk to those they’ve shot with. Know who you’re meeting. Be safe.

There is no guarantee against skeezy photographic experiences, but you can cut down on the potential by doing some simple leg work. A lot of photographers don’t like having models bring escorts along to ensure their safety. I understand the possible distraction. But if you choose to tell models “no escorts”, you had better be prepared to provide some damn good references.

Bottom line to everyone in this equation: don’t be a victim. Be aware. Know who you’re meeting. Period.

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Like many of my costuming compatriots, it was never my intention to become a cosplayer. Everyone has their own story on how they got involved. For me, it was happenstance and a Poison Ivy costume I’d constructed for Halloween. What started as determination, undergarments, fake leaves and hot glue has now become something people recognize me for/as. That’s neither here nor there though, and the real point to this is that there are a lot of us that are involved in cosplay and consider it a part of our lives. We’re from all walks of life and have different tastes and levels of technical costuming skill. It’s a passion where all who are interested should be welcomed, but that’s not always the case.

Let me lay this out first before going on: yes, you are entitled to your opinion. Also, yes, some costumes are “better” than others from a technical standpoint. There is no doubt in my mind that some people have more advanced costuming skills than others. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean any less effort and love was put into the costumes that aren’t perfection incarnate. We all had to start somewhere. For this reason, it makes me sad to read negative comments about anyones costume. From Tumblr to Twitter to Facebook, there is so much rude commentary on cosplay photos. Beyond just adhering to Wil Wheaton’s rule of “don’t be a dick”, there are some things I feel should be kept in mind when looking at and judging anyone’s work:

1.) Not everyone who attends a convention/party/event in costume is a professional cosplayer, or ever intends to be.

2.) We don’t all have the same pool of resources to draw on, whether they be time, money or technical ability.

3.) No one looks exactly, precisely like any comic character, and they shouldn’t be expected to. If they want to rock out as a character of a different ethnicity, gender, physical size, etc. let them do it. (By the way, some of my favourite cosplays are the Rule 63 ones.)

Please also bear in mind that negativity and critique are not the same thing. “This sucks” is not the same as “this might have been better if” or “I would have suggested doing”. I’ve seen plenty of posts that are nothing but someone trying to tear down another persons work for no discernable reason besides the fact that douchbaggery is an internet epidemic. It’s hard enough to put yourself out there and display your craft without the anonymous (and sometimes not so anonymous) nastiness in response. It’s unwarranted and unnecessary.

There’s also some definite cosplayer on cosplayer hate out there, which I believe largely stems from jealousy. Personally, I feel there’s room for everyone in the sandbox. As someone whose most known cosplay is Poison Ivy, I can tell you there are a lot of us attempting to fill her leafy accoutrements. (Yeah, I know that last sentence sounded sort of filthy.) Having other people at the same convention dressing as the same character doesn’t dilute my work. If anything, it can serve as inspiration to up my game and to keep working on new and creative portrayals. Besides, shouldn’t you be glad that so many people love the same character you do?

Another point of contention seems to be the assumption that this person or that person is only dressed up for the attention and not for the love of the character or craft. If that’s the case, who cares? Let them be whatever they want. If someone comes up to them and wants to talk shop, it will become pretty apparent what their intentions were, and they’ll have to deal with it. It should make no never mind to you. (Note, I am not advocating going up and quizzing cosplayers on their costumes, just stating a possible situation.)

On the whole, cosplayers are a pretty cool lot. They display their passion for a variety of the nerd genres in a unique and inspirational way. There’s no reason to put them down about it. If you don’t like what they’re doing, just leave them be. I doubt you’d appreciate anyone being rude and negative about your hobbies/lifestyle, so don’t do it to other people. So, as two wise men once said, “Be excellent to each other.”

“Party on, Dudes!”

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Okay, I need to get this off of my chest. I have recently had one of the most upsetting and ridiculous dealings with a medical doctor. Long story short: he ran tests without my permission and charged me for them. Not only that, but he told me that everything was fine prior to running tests to “be sure”. I question the idea of telling a patient everything is fine and then running a test afterward without seeking consent or sharing the results. When confronted with this and some other miscellany that led to me leaving his offices for good, he lead me through a series of bullying tactics, irrelevant information and condescension. This extended to commenting on all negative reviews I put online about his business in an attempt to discredit me and negate the validity of my honest opinions. What’s worse is that, after some digging, I discovered he’d done this to EVERY NEGATIVE REVIEW I could find for him. A number of people commented on distressing situations that were very similar to mine where tests were run without consent and left them holding the bill. His responses ranged from claims of clearing up misinformation, to saying the patients were only upset at him because they can’t get mad at the faceless machine that is insurance, to accusing previous patients of engaging in conspiracy theory. (I wish I was making this up.)

Really? This is okay? This is somehow allowed?

Some of this is the fault of those, like my ex-doctor, who should have never been given the title of “Doctor”. However, I think some of it also comes down to the patients. Now before you think I’m victim-blaming or some such, let me explain.

How many people do you know who have told you they didn’t like their doctor for XYZ reason? Okay, probably a lot. How many do you know that actively got involved and tried to do something about it? Probably not that many. There is this prevailing feeling that if someone has been given a title as respectable as Doctor, that it is wrong to question them. A lot of doctors also feel this is the case. (Something along the lines of: I’m the doctor, you’re the patient, and I know what’s best.) We let these people continue to do business, to continue to dupe and disrespect us. The thing is, we live in a wonderful time where we often have alternate options, and better yet, we have access to medical data that used to be more difficult to procure. We can, if we’re smart about it, track down symptoms and find possible answers ourselves as well as confirm or refute a diagnosis.*

Not enough people ask questions because they’re scared. But what are they really scared of? That the doctor will get mad at them? Berate them? Who cares? If they do that, then you should be getting the hell out of there anyway. It’s your health, and you have a right to be informed. Don’t take everything at face value. Work to understand your health. Read your bills. Ask questions. And if occasion calls for it, question your doctor. There is too much at stake to not be informed or to waste your time on a professional that is going to withhold information or rack up charges in your name that you weren’t adequately informed about. The doctor referenced above even told me that sometimes patients are involved with the specifics and sometimes not, and that apparently he feels he can decide those parameters. That is NOT the kind of care anyone deserves, and you wouldn’t put up with it anywhere else.

This is not to say all doctors are bad. I’d never make such a blanket statement. But there is no denying that there are bad ones out there. Even other medical professionals will tell you so.

So, do your research. Ask questions. And for the love of all that is holy, if you’re not comfortable with your doctor, get the hell out! More than that, be sure to spread the word. You might just save someone from the hassle and mistreatment you put up with.

*Please use your brain when researching medical maladies online. Double and triple checks your facts and sources. It really is worth your time.

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Anyone who has watched the original Twilight Zone series has likely seen the episode “Number 12 Looks Just Like You”. It’s an unforgettable episode that satirizes people’s extreme need to fit in and be a part of the crowd. It’s also one of the first things that sprang to my mind when reading an article about a seven year old getting plastic surgery because her ears stick out.

The story features a girl named Samantha who is only seven years old. She has cup ears, which means they stick out rather than running parallel to her head in a “normal” way. The operating surgeon used words like “abnormal” in the description of Samantha’s ears and said that he was “fixing” them. The reason for this “fix”? To prevent bullying. The mother, not the girl, was worried that her daughter would get picked on. She cited fears that her kid would be called “Dumbo” or “big ears”.

Here’s the thing, and the sad fact of life I think we’ve all experienced: kids are going to pick on other kids. If it wasn’t her ears, then it was going to be something else. Children are cruel, no doubt about it. There will be something else down the road for her. If not her ears, then maybe freckles, or how she walks, or they don’t like her Star Wars water bottle. However, I should think the hope is that you learn to be a stronger person for all of the harassment you have to deal with in life. All that getting surgery will do is teach her that an adequate solution to any perceived problem is that she has to be the one to change. What if she grows up and thinks something is wrong with her nose, or that her jaw line is funny? The fact that the surgeon kept using the word “fix” implies that something was “broken” or “wrong”.

What kills me is the mother says herself that kids are cruel and mean. If she knows this, then she probably knows that kids will tease and bully each other over even the smallest infraction. Be supportive of your child. Teach them that they don’t have to change to please other people. Tell them they have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

Furthermore, the surgeon said he wouldn’t recommend plastic surgery for a child if it was simply cosmetic, but I don’t see what else this would count as. Samantha’s ears were not a health risk. They weren’t a mole covering half of her face, they weren’t a cleft palette, or even a hare lip. I used to volunteer with an organization that helped low-income children with health impacting abnormalities. Dealing with cupped ears would have seemed liked a blessing compared to the issues I saw.

I will also say that the story made me heartsick for very personal reasons. All of those monikers for kids with big ears? Yeah, I heard and was called all of them. I, too, have cupped ears. They stick out like sails trying to catch a breeze. I’ve covered them with my hair. I’ve been frustrated with them. But you know what? They are MY ears. I have come to understand that there is nothing wrong with them. They are not broken, and they are not something to be ashamed of. And what’s more, I think Samantha’s ears were beautiful too. I look at her before and after pictures, and I think the after is what looks awkward.

The plastic surgeon theorized that kids with ears like mine and Samantha’s might end up being less popular, shyer or that it will “harm their developing self-identity”. Anyone who knows me will tell you that is bunk. Sure, I was not popular in school, but it was for very different reasons. My self-identity is no less strong for having ears that aren’t like everyone else’s. EVERYONE has something about themselves that they don’t like. We are a culture that is so obsessed in the perceived ideal that we overlook the beauty of uniqueness.

Samantha would have grown into her ears. I know I did. It took me a long time, but I can finally wear my hair up and be okay with showing the world my ears because they are just fine.



UPDATE: A few people have pointed out a similar story about an eight year old girl whose mother is giving her botox injections. I’d heard about this the other day, but for those interested, here is a link to that story.

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Today I posted a comment on Twitter that read:

Hey, Bank of America online mortgage payment system: die in a fire.

To my surprise, a little later I got a note from their online Twitter support team asking:

Were you able to resolve your issue? Anything I can do to help?

Being in the bad mood that I was, I told them:

Not unless you can fix the website so that the login process works properly. I had problems on two different browsers.

And:

I’m also shocked at the “convenience” charges for online and phone payment. A check is the only way to not get charged extra.

Unfortunately, Twitter’s 140 character limit prevented me from going into as much detail as I would have liked. In fact, the idea that they contacted me on Twitter to ask if they could help actually upset me more. I’ll explain why…

Firstly, let me say that Bank of America’s website is nigh inoperable. To date, I have used three different web browsers, and none have made a difference. The first obstacle is the login process. Look, I get that you want to protect me from those who would do evil to my account, but two or three login attempts should not result in an error telling me there have been too many attempts and I need to change my password. I, like many other people, have any number of online accounts. With these come a variety of usernames and passwords dependent on what was available at the time and the password requirements. So, yeah, sometimes I have a stupid moment and can’t remember my account info and am too lazy to try and dig it out of my e-mail. I’ve never had another site lock me out so fast, let alone one that doesn’t even put your username and password entry slots on the same damn page.

Then, once I do get in to my account, I have to go though the madhouse of options just to pay my damn mortgage. You main account page shouldn’t look like it would be at home with a search and find puzzle. Then to even make the payment I had to click on just about every button in the universe.

You keep pushing the convenience of your site on my monthly mortgage bills and tout it on your main page. I have sour news for you: it is in no way, shape or form “convenient” for me. Yet, you jerks somehow think that even though I jumped through all of your flaming hoops that I should pay a “convenience” charge for the privilege of putting up with your online nightmare. If I think about paying by phone, that’s right, another “convenience” charge. While easier than your online system, still none too awesome. The ONLY way I can avoid your charges is to write out a check every month. (I’m also pretty certain dealing with checks is highly inconvenient to you versus an online payment.) So, let’s see, 44 cents versus 6 dollar online fee or the 15 dollars or so phone fee, what do you think I’ll pick? If I wanted to pay for a headache, I would have bought a hammer and bashed myself in the skull. Besides, I’m paying my fucking mortgage, it already isn’t cheap. Do you think I’m made of money?

So you have a site that is utterly ineffective and a surcharge that makes me feel like I’m giving you permission to fuck me over, but you have a Twitter team policing for unhappy customers? Really? Couldn’t you pay them to, you know, fix the website? Or is my 15 charge going to pay what is likely their minimum wage based paychecks?

I didn’t pick you. You were what my mortgage broker set me up with and I had no idea how bad of a decision that would be. Let me also say that I know what a good bank is like. I am fortunate enough to be using a great bank that has fast, friendly and effective customer service. I call and get a real person that is happy to talk to me (or is faking it, but I’ll take what I can get). There are no crazy fees, they have an easy to navigate site that works. I could maybe have lower credit card interest or lower car insurance somewhere else, but you know what? They have EARNED my loyalty. They treat me like a person, and not like a piggy bank.

I don’t blame your online Twitter team. They are just doing their jobs. I get that. It is your company that I take issue with. A quick Google search will reveal that I am far from being alone in this. It’s pretty bad news when people have registered a sites with names like www.bankofamericasucks.com, and www.ihateboa.com. Maybe they spared themselves your “convenience” fees to pay the domain name charges.

I stand by what I said. Your online system can die in a fire.
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