Last Friday, after hearing many positive reviews of the event, I attended Halloween Horror Nights which takes place at Universal Studios in Hollywood. I was left wondering how so many guests walked away with positive things to say.

To be clear, I am no stranger to the world of haunts. I’ve worked at several myself as a scare actor, and have attended many more. I’ve found that most haunts have their own strengths and weaknesses, but it seems that Universal has very few strengths to trumpet. I found this pretty shocking considering that Universal is not only a real live working film studio, but also because it has a history of horror films to draw on. (Hell, it’s very name is practically synonymous with the horror of the 30′s, 40′s and 50′s.) As a Halloween horror destination, it’s not very scary nor very interesting.

Horror Nights has a little over a handful of mazes. (Seven of them as compared to Knotts Scary Farm’s thirteen.) Because of this, once the night gets rolling, the wait times skyrocket. As you walk around the park, there are boards listing wait times and only a few had anything listed under sixty minutes. There are only a few rides, which also experience higher wait times. Then, lastly, there was one live show.

On the night that I attended, my basic ticket cost $57, and I was only able to experience a little over half of the attraction offerings. For almost double the price, I could have gotten a pass that allowed me to skip to the front of the lines, but since there’s so little content, I imagine you could do everything in a few hours, leaving you with a lot of extra time where you’re either bored or have to start repeating attraction visits. As a comparison, a basic Knott’s ticket on the same night of the week will cost around $47, for more than double the attractions (maybe triple when you could in all of the rides and shows available to haunt guests). From a basic monetary standpoint, Universal simply doesn’t live up to the price.

To get into a more specific review, I will start by saying I believe that with all haunts, terror should start at the door. Upon entering the park, you are thrust into a fog-filled clown nightmare that should have set the tone for the rest of the evening. Unfortunately, nearly all of the scare actors were in full rubber masks (something that occurred in nearly all of the evening’s events). Rubber masks have their time and place, and I know they’re cheaper and easier than makeup, but these are the first scare actors to greet your audience. They are in your customer’s faces. Rubber masks when close up tend to be less shocking that a really good makeup job.

Secondly, the entry area of Universal suffered from a proliferation of chainsaws. Chainsaws are scary. They’re loud and should make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. However, when there’s a dozen of them running around and whirring like mad, they lose some of that essence. You start to acclimate to them, and it ruins the terror they should instill.

Aside from the entry area, the park was pretty free of scare actors. I hate to make comparisons again, but you can’t take two steps at Knotts without running into another monster. It keeps the tension up in between attractions. Universal also missed a golden opportunity to place monsters along the attraction lines. There was a perfect captive audience, ripe for scaring, who instead spent most of their wait looking bored and checking Facebook.

Of the few mazes available, the ones I was able to get into were The Wolfman, The Thing: Assimilation, Alice Cooper’s Welcome to My Nightmare and Scream for Your Life. None of them were particularly good.

- The Wolfman: This maze had to utilize a preexisting space, and in places it showed. The walkthrough area they used normally showcases imagery and sets from various Universal horror films. They really should have worked harder at retheming the parts that were out of place, rather than trying to shoehorn Wolfman elements in. The best part about this maze were the actual werewolf costumes as they really resembled the look from the film. They also worked in the feral boy look from the movie. This maze was consistently the shortest wait all night, likely because the 2010 film remake was not terribly successful. I still felt it was one of the more pleasant ones to experience at the haunt.

To go on a quick tangent, why not just amp up the attraction that is already there? From what I’m reading online, there are normally scare actors in there anyway that fit the variously themed rooms. It would likely have been more effective than their attempted overlay.

- Alice Cooper’s Welcome to My Nightmare: This was the first maze I went through and I can’t really say that there was anything about it I liked. It has the same issue as all the others in that it focuses almost solely on what I call “jump out” scares. To me, a jump out scare is one where the actor jumps from their hiding place at you, sometimes while making a banging noise or rattling a noise can. They are cheap scares and are almost always going to get the guest to twitch. However, their twitch is a natural reaction to something coming at them at high speed, not necessarily a real indication of true terror. It’s almost always more impressive when the scare actor can freak a patron out by their very presence, or the idea the guest can’t avoid walking by them and is terrified at the prospect. Also, having a monster ahead of you that catches your focus can be a distraction from the jump out scare actor. This misdirection leads to an even bigger fright as guests are less likely to start intentionally gazing around for hiding places.

The other huge annoyance of this maze (and several others) was the use of heavy hanging plastic and fake bodies along the maze route. It was tiring to consistently have to push everything away to just get through the maze. It wasn’t scary, it was frustrating. There is also nothing like getting hit by a heavy body prop swinging backwards from the guests ahead of you. This element could have been used far more sparingly and been more effective because of it.

- The Thing: Assimilation: While this was the best of the mazes I went through, that really isn’t saying much. It was far better themed than any of the others and had a nice mix of actors in makeup and ones in giant “Thing” costumes. It was obvious they were trying to do something to help bump up interest in the recent release of the film prequel. (Sadly, the maze was better than the abysmal movie.) The maze had a very creepy vibe, it was accurately themed, it had a nice mix of scare techniques, and it also had an average wait time of ninety minutes. I don’t believe that any five minute maze is worth that much wait time.

- Scream for Your Life: This should have easily been the best part of the night, but it wasn’t. Scream for Your Life is a sort of open air maze that takes place on the actual studio backlot and uses real movie sets. But before you even get to that part, you have to hop on the studio tram to get out to the location. Again, here was a wasted opportunity. The spiel on the ride over was cheesy, and there were no frights along the way. Universal, you had a captive audience that paid for scares, so scare them already!

The tram dropped us off near the Whoville set and then wound us around the Bate’s Motel, the Psycho House, some of the War of the Worlds set and a few other small areas. I feel like a broken record, but yet again, there was an over-abundance of rubber masks and chainsaws. I did run into a “Norman” outside of the Psycho house, and that was pretty cool, but short-lived. There were a few less jump out scares, which was a nice break, but it was pretty lackluster regardless.

The only other Halloween specific attraction we were able to experience was Bill and Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure, and it was a whole lot less excellent that its name would have you believe, unless they meant it to be in excellently poor taste.

The show is an attempt at making fun of all things pop culture, but it only manages to be pretty boring and tacky. Rife with booty shorts and lame jokes, it was an hour of my life I can never have back. It’s also another shining example of why Knotts has the better haunt as they too have a pop culture extravaganza and it’s actually funny and makes more sense.

The other discomforting thing about this show is that it was either written before Osama Bin Laden was pronounced dead, or someone has a really poor sense of when they’ve crossed a line. I don’t want to get political here, but having Bin Laden as the main villain of the production just seemed wrong. And even if he wasn’t dead, it seems far from topical. (When was the last time you honestly heard a Bin Laden joke aside from immediately after his death?) Furthermore, when you set him alongside characters spoofing TRON and The Avengers, it gets even creepier, and not in a good way.

All in all, Universal’s haunt is not something I would attend again. I know the economy is bad and that this event must have been expensive, but for the price and quality it’s just not a fair bargain. Besides that, I’ve been to smaller local haunts that have packed a far bigger punch on what is certainly less of a budget. There was so much wasted potential, and that’s what makes me saddest.

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Last night was the premier of the third episode of SyFy’s “Being Human”. The show, again, did not disappoint. However, there were some definitely highlights as well as some speed bumps along the way.

The thing that irritates me about the show right now is that there is more potential that hasn’t been fully realized to this point. My husband hit the nail on the head when he said he hasn’t connected with the characters yet. Three episodes in or not, there should still be a stronger connection felt between the audience and the cast. BBC’s first season had only six episodes to accomplish this, but it had me from the first one. I’m hoping that SyFy is just being slower to develop the personalities and that some more heartfelt moments are forthcoming.

That all being said, I see a glimmer of something deeper shining under the surface of what SyFy has given us so far. There were some moments where Aidan actually had a personality outside of the brooding vampire stereotype, and I want them to give the actor more of a chance to explore that further. The problem I see them facing is that they’re competing with a number of other supernatural shows that have done very well, so it’s hard not to follow the formula that so obviously works with an American audience. I’m seeing this trickle down even into what powers the vampires possess. Super speed? Mind control? Needing permission before crossing the threshold? All unnecessary. Part of the reason the vampires in the original are so interesting is that they don’t really have a lot of creepy supernatural whatsits going for them. They are simply that scary without the aid of “trendy” vampire abilities.

The ante was upped on Josh’s werewolf abilities in episode three. We got a glimpse of a nearly full moon and it was having a definite effect on him. I think what happened because of it was a little forced, but making him wolfier outside of a full moon night is alright with me if done correctly. They might have done better employing a little more subtlety, but the idea that he’s fighting his nature even when he still looks human makes things interesting.

Sally is still the least interesting character to me. She got a bit of a boost in the last episode, but there weren’t any real breakthroughs by way of her personality. Sure, she learned to do some new things, but did the character really grow because of them? I feel like she’s very apart from Aidan and Josh when they should feel more like three peas in a pod.

Speaking of ghosts, Sally’s plot was pulled from an episode of the original series, and it wasn’t done nearly as well. Those that have seen both shows likely know what I’m talking about. To me, it felt rushed and a little less than genuine. They should have taken their time instead of trying to cram it into one episode.

There were some very genuine laugh out loud moments last night. The cast and writers seemed to have loosened up a bit, and it made a good balance to the drama. Of course, there were a couple of unintended laughs. (A little over the top werewolf sniffing definitely didn’t help.) Still, it was needed after two episodes that had very little real humour in them.

Based on the preview for next Monday’s show, I’d have to say we’re in for more plot pulled from the original. I got the impression that they’re going to attempt another cram session, but we’ll see. It’s still a fun show and worth the watching.

Oh, and SyFYI…I still liked it better when you were SciFi.

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Okay, I fess up! I bought the Clawdeen Wolf doll from Mattel’s new Monster High line. I have to admit, I feel a slight twinge of embarrassment whenever I look at it on the shelf amidst my other werewolf memorabilia. At times, I’m not entirely sure why I bought it. Perhaps it was a moment of weakness, a form of self-punishment or something else altogether.

The doll also appears to present other general problems. As was pointed out at a couple of sites I frequent (Werewolf-News and the She-Wolf Blog), the entire doll line seems to have been put forth with good intentions but falls short of the mark. Here is a quote from Mattel Brands general manager Tim Kilpin:

“They’re fun characters to build a world around. Who doesn’t feel like a freak in high school? It started with that universal truth.”

Sounds nice enough. Yet, while this quote seems to encourage embracing your awkward teenage years, the description of the back of Clawdeen’s box comes across as contradictory:

“Plucking and shaving is definitely a full time job but that’s a small price to pay for being scarily fabulous.”

The copy seems innocuous enough. (Jokes about werewolves shaving their legs are far from new.) However, this is more than just some sort of werewolf punchline. This is a toy line that’s trying to teach girls it’s okay to be different, but the underlying truth may be that the character is not comfortable as she is and has to put in extra effort to fit in and be “scarily fabulous”.

Honestly, I didn’t think much of any of this at first. When I initially saw the doll, my only thought was, “Hey! A female werewolf doll! I’m surprised she’s not a werecat.” Then again, I’m a 26 year old woman that has worked to put her teenage years behind her. I don’t have the same worries that a 13 year old me had. I don’t have to panic anymore because I’d forgotten to shave my legs and I only had a pair of shorts for gym that day. Or that maybe that one guy that teased me in class was right and I DID have a visible moustache because of my darker hair colour. Those former worries are the same worries that I’m sure plague today’s teenage girls, and apparently, today’s teenage werewolves. So, does that make Clawdeen a bad influence, or simply more relatable?

I’m sure some would point out that there are even more issues with the characters of Monster High than just one fuzzy-legged werewolf. The way they dress, the way they act, etc. But let’s face it, no one is going to make a true to life doll line. Preaching acceptance of yourself and then quietly contradicting is not a new concept. There will always be a certain amount of “be yourself, but only if you dress this way or buy this” bombarding teenagers.

Do I think the doll is a problem? I’m not really sure. I guess the real question should be: are any dolls really a problem? Just because these particular dolls resemble classic film monsters, does it make them any better or worse than most of what else is out in the market? If a real discussion is to be had, I think it should be an all or none debate, not case by case.

There is one thing I can tell you though: teenage life isn’t easy. Never has been, and never will be. To quote The Princess Bride, “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

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While my allegiance obvious lies with werewolves, my love of vampires runs a close (but not too close) second. Let’s face it, vampires are pretty damn cool, and I am always down to chill with my blood-sucking brethren.

So why do I prefer werewolves? What about them is more appealing? Beyond that fact that I think werewolves have a more fascinating mythology and are often stylistically cooler, I would have to say sympathy and empathy.

Werewolves, on the whole, are people who were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Characters like Larry Talbot and David Kessler were just normal guys to whom Fate dealt an unfair hand. Aspects of their lives were taken completely out of their control and they were tortured with the knowledge that there’s nothing they can do to stop it. (Be honest; who hasn’t felt that way at one time or another?) I think the ryhme from the original 1941 Wolf Man sums this up pretty well:

Even a man who is pure in heart
and says his prayers by night,
may become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms
and the autumn moon is bright.

Sorry Joe Shmoe, you are screwed.

To add to the above connection that some may feel with werewolf characters, I think it’s also pretty safe to say we’ve all felt our own inner “beasts” creeping up from our subconscious from time to time. Be it the flaring of a temper, feelings of jealousy or greed, or plain old bad-assery. Werewolves just take this a step further by physically transforming to coincide with the mental transformation.

Now with vampires, it seems to me that there are far less of the remorseful variety. There are definitely some, and even a few of the less sympathetic examples bear some form regret, but it’s not as amplified as it is with werewolves. Many of the daylight-challenged seem to take up the “well, a vampire’s got to eat” attitude. While all of this goes a long way as far as creating a truly terrifying villain, it also makes for a less relateable character.

Oh woe is me. I must kill you to sustain my immortal and sexy life. Boo hoo.

I am aware that there are numerous exceptions to everything I’ve stated above. The unwilling vampire recruit, Michael, from Lost Boys, and the violent Eddie Quist from The Howling are just a two examples. There’s also the neither here nor there “monsters” from origins such as the Twilight series. Still, you can’t deny the largely consistent depictions of werewolves and vampires across film, literature and more.

In the end, no matter which you prefer, vampires make bigger box office dollars. I’ve read numerous theories about this, but it really doesn’t matter. Vampires will always trump werewolves in terms of popularity.

Some things never change. (Well, the werewolves do…you know what I mean.)

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On Saturday I visited the Halloween Haunt at Knott’s Scary Farm for about the fifth or sixth time in my life. I’ve made attending the Haunt a nearly annual trip. I love horror mazes and usually Knott’s goes pretty all out. I have to say though that I found this year mildly disappointing.

As it is every year, actually getting in to the park is a mess. The traffic gets backed up on the freeway at least a mile before the off ramp, and even once you get off you have to navigate to the Knott’s parking lot. Once you’ve parked, you have to get up to the main entrance which is a disorganized mess of people trying to find the correct line depending on if they preordered a ticket or are trying to purchase one the night of. The friend I went with and myself made our way to the side entrance and it wasn’t much better. The security posted towards the back of the mob urged everyone to squish forward into the vaguely distinguished lines to have security wand you and then search your belongings.

We finally got into the park and things were a little more smooth. I was reminded however, of the reason I try to avoid Saturday nights. Loads of people navigating through the dark and fog-machine haze being terrorized by scare actors makes things a little chaotic.

During the evening we managed to go through six mazes (two were connected) and see two shows. The mazes were generally decent, but not particularly amazing. The two definitely worth seeing are Terror of London, which is themed around Jack the Ripper (and apparently Frankenstein towards the end), and The Doll Factory which is just what it sounds like. We also went through Labyrinth, Cornstalkers, Lockdown, and Club Blood. I was sad that we didn’t make it to the 3D maze Dia De Los Muertos which looked very interesting.

As for the shows, the first we saw was Bloodlust. The show briefly explains that the world now knows of vampires and werewolves and everyone signed a treaty to not kill one another. The show then goes back and forth between a sort of standup act with Vinny the Vampire and Willy the Werewolf, and dancers in booty shorts. The standup parts of the show were particularly funny and were what I really enjoyed. As for the rest, the half naked men and booty-short sporting women singing and dancing to music were okay, but not my cup of tea.

After that we trekked over to the big stage for The Hanging. This is the show they put on every year and it’s a mashup of all the things in pop culture during the year beating the everloving hell out of each other. It makes more sense if you see it, but this year they made fun of: Harry Potter, Transformers, Star Trek, Kanye West, Twilight, Wolverine, GI Joe, Watchmen, Britain’s Got Talent, Bruno, G-Force, Octomom, John and Kate, Brittany Spears, Jack Sparrow, Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers, Lady Gaga, Terminator, Christian Bale, Disneyland, and more that I’m probably forgetting. Bottom line: it’s hilarious.

I think the only really big downside to the evening was being insulted by one of the scare performers who thought they were real funny and decided to be rude about my outfit. They informed me in an extremely nasty tone that I might “have trouble shopping” there since they “don’t have a Hot Topic”. Yeah, you’re a real laugh and a half. She was probably just pissed off because she was dressed up as a clown. (And for those wondering, no, I was not wearing an outfit from Hot Topic.) Honestly, it’s the first time I’ve ever had a problem before at the haunt with one of the actors. I hope it’s the last.

All in all it was a nice evening. At about $50 for seven hours of entertainment it’s a fairly decent deal.  Though I do think they could do with lowering the ticket prices just a little.  So if you’re planning on going, enjoy. (Unless you have any little children, in which case PLEASE don’t be a moron and take them with you!)

*UPDATE*: I’d written Knott’s about their scare actor that insulted me and they got back to me last night. They said that some performers have been instructed to “heckle” the guests. I completely understand and support that. (It is in character for a scary clown after all.) I just hope they also instruct them that there’s a very fine line between good natured taunting and being a prick.

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